Your emails are
boring. Ours sell.
We're a small team of email marketers who moonlight as stand-up comedians. Which means your flows get real strategy and a subject line people screenshot for the group chat.
Zero emails that open with "Hi [FIRST_NAME]!"
About
Consumer-obsessed. Occasionally unhinged. Always on strategy.
Most agencies write emails to customers. We write them to people, who are on the toilet, half-watching TV, and one thumb-flick from archiving you forever.
So we talk like a person. We use the tactics that actually move revenue: segmentation, real lifecycle architecture, relentless testing. Then we make it genuinely fun to read. Turns out those two things aren't in conflict. Most people just do one of them.
Our longest-running client sells fantasy adult toys. We've written subject lines our grandmothers can never see. That's the range you get: we'll go as far as your brand can go, and we know exactly where the line is.
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Lifecycle flows
Welcome, browse, cart, post-purchase, winback. Built once, tuned forever.
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Campaign calendar
A real editorial calendar, not "send a promo, panic, repeat."
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Deliverability & list health
Great copy is worthless in a spam folder. We keep you landing in the inbox.
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Design & copy in-house
One team writes it and designs it. Nothing gets lost in the handoff.
Roadmap
Email today. The whole lifecycle soon.
We'd rather be excellent at one channel than mediocre at four. Here's the order we're building in, and where we are right now.
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Stage 01 Available now
Email
Campaigns, core flows, segmentation, deliverability, and testing. The channel that pays for everything else, done properly.
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Stage 02 In build
Email + SMS
One calendar across both channels, so your customers stop getting the same message twice in ten minutes. Timed to be worth the buzz in someone's pocket.
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Stage 03 On the roadmap
Full lifecycle
Opt-in to post-purchase LTV. Every touch from the first popup to the third reorder, owned end to end and measured on revenue per subscriber.
Working with us on email now means you're first in line as the rest comes online. Get in early.
Plans
Three ways to work together.
Flat monthly retainers. No percentage of revenue, no setup fee, no annual lock-in. We'll quote you on a call once we know what you're working with.
Starter
For brands finally taking email seriously.
- 4 campaign emails per month
- 4 core flow builds
- Ongoing flow maintenance
- Copy & design included
Growth
For brands ready to make email a real channel.
- 8 campaign emails per month
- 6 core flow builds
- Ongoing flow maintenance
- Copy & design included
Scale
For brands where email is the growth engine.
- 15 campaign emails per month
- 12 core flow builds
- Ongoing flow maintenance
- Copy & design included
Every brand's list, catalog, and mess is different, so we scope it properly before quoting. Tell us what you're working with.
Contact
Tell us about your brand.
We take on a handful of clients at a time, so we're picky, and honest if we're not the right fit. If we are, you'll hear back within two business days.
Or skip the form entirely:
hello@superseriousemailstuff.com